Published Mon Sep 16, 2019 02:10 PM PDT
Am I sane? And if so, how did I become so alienated? How am I so different from other people.
Well, in a sense I'm not isolated; I have a good relationship with my family members for the most part. I have plenty of friends online who I talk to all day long. And I'm pretty good at interacting with people in social settings. But I also don't have any regular IRL friends anymore.
I go to church, and I interact politely with service people. That's about the extent of my real-life social interaction these days.
People on the internet have often accused me of being insane. They told me to get therapy. So I have gotten therapy; but they always tell me I'm fine.
If my worldview is really so different than that of everyone else, then it seems one of us must be crazy. I guess I just tend to think it's everyone else.
It doesn't really matter though. We have to live with them, we have to work with them. Even if they say or do crazy things, we just have to let it go.
I know I've had a lot of wrong beliefs before, and I've also behaved in ways I've regretted. But I think I'm pretty conscious of all these things; I meditate on them regularly. I judge myself by them.
Anyway, I'm all about being as sane as possible for the time being. One major factor in this is alcohol, or the lack thereof. Most of my worst behaviors and statements are made while drunk. In vino veritas.
But honestly, day to day, I don't feel that bad. I think I've done a lot to reform my mind and make it healthier. Honestly, I think I do more than most people in this regard.
When I get depressed or angry, I usually just lie down and think. Often I drift away to sleep, enjoying some fantastic dreams in the process. I love how entertaining my mind is. Anyway, when I wake up I usually feel fine again.
And I get rid of my grudges and resentments by hoping for the best for them. Embracing a charitable attitude towards them. Wanting them to be happy.
So I guess I'm sane. I'm sure many won't agree, but I think I probably am. Well, thanks for reading.